Thursday, August 27, 2009

Dems to Honor Kennedy by renaming Health Plan the "Liberal Dinosaur Act"

His body not yet cold in the grave, Congressional Democrats today discussed the disposition of Ted Kennedy's Senate locker, his parking spot, and notepads and markers found in his desk. Also on the agenda was whether to use Kennedy's memory in promoting the failing and unpopular American Health Wreckovery bill. The suggested plan would rename the bill the "Liberal Dinosaur Health Act" in Kennedy's honor.

Senate Democrats shrugged off objections that no one had ever suggested naming the bill in Kennedy's honor while he was alive, and that Kennedy himself (like most Congressemen) had never read the bill. "The bill clearly embodies the ideals and goals which were dearest and most important to this dear dear man whose last name was KENNEDY" stated one senate Democrat.

Some features of the bill cited as reflecting the ideals of the man whose last name was KENNEDY include:
  • Government rationing of medical care, through bureaucratic decisions not subject to judicial review.
  • Government determination of what consistitutes "acceptable" medical insurance.
  • Displacement of private insurance plans by a government-controlled "public" plan.
  • Government access to private information which it, or some bureaucrat, considers "relevant" to running the plan.
  • Changes to IRS tax code to obtain additional funding for the plan through taxation of "the wealthy".
Media savants, aging Flower-Children, and fans of the History Channel's "Ancient Civilizations" series expressed enthusiasm for the new selling line. However, it remains unclear how many of the voters whose opinions (at least theoretically) are supposed to hold some say in the matter will be swayed by their memories of that bygone era "When Kennedys (and Johnsons) roamed the earth."

No comments:

Post a Comment